Where the Sun Don't Shine
by The Beckster
Summary: Just a one shot deal I wrote up really quickly because I was bored. It's me versus Malfoy, guess who wins. :D this is supposed to be funny, so laugh with me. HAHA! please read and review if you want. Rated T for Language.


So, this is nota serious work meant to be taken seriously in any way. I was bored, it came to mind, and here we have a story. It's supposed to be funny i think it is a little. I was bored so it's not the greatest. i think I spent a whole 40 minutes on it. Mostly because I was also talking to my friends. Review if you want. Tell me if you think it's funny or of it sucks, I don't care really for this story.

J.K. Rowling owns all the Harry Potter places and characters, Julianne and Becky, are my characters.

-The Beckster

* * *

"Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt, it is sooooo big."

I rolled my eyes and sat next to my best friend Julianne at breakfast. "Thanks a lot, munchkin" I said smiling "Make fun of my huge ass why don't you." We both laughed at our jokes. Both Julianne and I were exchange students from Ohio going to Hogwarts because my parents felt there was no better school, and Julianne's mom just wanted her out of her hair for most of the year. We were both in our sixth year of Hogwarts and doing pretty well in our classes. We always made fun of each other; Julianne reached a giant four foot ten inches compared to my five foot 6 inches. I however had the trade mark "ghetto booty" that she always quoted that one song about. We both come from muggle families and surprisingly enough we both got into Ravenclaw house our first year. Talk about sweet.

I poured myself some coffee and took a sip "Ahhhh… coffee, the nectar of the gods and the staple food for any working person". I took another sip quietly enjoying my caffeinated bliss thinking about my brothers back home when my wonder quiet time was interrupted by some one's loud entrance into the Great Hall.

"Oh, God. It's Malfoy." Julianne hissed to me. I sighed, here we go again. It seemed that no matter where we sat for any meal Malfoy and his entourage always sat close enough for us to hear every bitchy comment Malfoy made about Harry Potter, Ron Weasly, and Hermione Granger. It gets a little old after six years. Today of all days they sat right behind us.

"I swear to God, Julianne, if I have to spend another meal hearing Malfoy bitch about Potter I think I'm going to kick him where the sun don't shine." I said loud enough for them to hear me a few feet away. "The only person who's a bigger bitch that him in this entire school is me when I'm feeling bitchy!" I continued waiting for him to turn around and glare at me. He did. "What's wrong Malfoy? Afraid to be beaten by a bitchy, American mudblood?" I said tauntingly.

"You better watch your back, Liston." He sneered "No, mudblood can beat me."

I turned to Julianne who just rolled her eyes and continued eating her toast but she gave me a smug smile knowing exactly what I was going to say. "Malfoy, I bet I can make you cry in one move, with my hands tied behind my back, and with no magic."Of course I could, I grew up with three older brothers, I knew how to make a guy cry and I knew how to get on their nerves.

Malfoy laughed turning to his apes he called friends and that ugly Pussy or Pansy, I never bothered to learn her name, "That mudblood thinks she could make ME cry! HAHAHA!!" We now had the attention of everyone within five feet of us and I heard the whispered bets going around._ 5 sickles she beats him. One galleon he doesn't shed a tear. _I ever heard a few guys that had tried to take advantage of me telling others _She's a vicious one. She must wear steel toed shoes or something. I couldn't sit right for a week. Malfoy's going to get his ass handed to him on a silver platter. I'm betting 2 galleons he bawls like a baby. _I smirked, it seemed the odds were with me, and I knew I would win.

"Alright, Liston, I accept your challenge." Malfoy said smirking

"Good, but here are the conditions. One, your body guards aren't allowed to be part of this. Two you can't go crying to a teacher because you agreed to this. Third, no magic allowed from either you or I." I said laying down my usual ground rules. "Oh, and if I make you cry, I get to dress you up in anything on Saturday and you have to go all day dressed like that, and you can't go hiding in any rooms, you have to be in a public place like the Great Hall or the Library all day, from before breakfast until after dinner."

Malfoy hesitated before saying anything, but he had his reputation at stake "Alright, I accept" We shook hands.

"Good meet me out side of the Great Hall in fifteen minutes. I want to enjoy the rest of my coffee." I turned back to my coffee taking another sip, it was still hot thankfully. Most of my prior annoyance at Malfoy has dissipated in the excitement of kicking him down a few notches, literally.

Julianne turned to me and asked "Becky, are you sure about this?"

"Of course silly, you've seen me fight my brothers and they're twice Malfoy's size. Besides, I'm getting tired of hearing him bitch about everything at every meal. And he has no idea what's coming, he'll be bawling like a baby when I'm through with him." I raised my voice at that last comment. Malfoy cringed a little as he feverishly brainstormed with his friends what I was planning to do. They didn't come anywhere close to what I had in store for him.

I finished my third cup of coffee and stood up from the table gently tapping Malfoy on the back, who, to my great pleasure, jumped at my touch, and whispering in his ear "I'm ready when you are." The three cups of coffee boosted my mood and I practically skipped out of the Great Hall humming "Milkshakes" to myself. Julianne followed me and conjured up a rope for me before I even had to ask. "Awww you know me so well munchkin." I said mock lovingly to her.

She gave me a big cheesy smile and replied just as corny, love-y "I know." Word of our little standoff had spread through the Great Hall and students had followed us out the door. There was Harry hand in hand with that Ginny girl. _He and Cho were a much cuter couple _I thought to myself before turning my gaze to Malfoy who was the last one out of the Great Hall, he came rather hesitantly at first but when he saw the crown waiting for him he out on a fake haughty smile and strutted into the circle and faced me. I rolled my eyes and handed Julianne my wand and she bound my hands. Malfoy handed his wand to some first year he pulled into servitude, probably threatening to hex him, or bitch his ears off.

He stood facing me and asked haughtily "Well? I'm ready when you are." He looked confident, but I could see the nervousness apparently he hears some whispers, but no one clarified anything to him. I laughed to myself and stood a little while away from him.

"You ready Malfoy? Now, I want you to look into my eyes and keep looking….. are you looking? Keep looking, now don't look away." Once he was completely buried in my gaze I swiftly swung my left foot back and kicked him with all my might right in the crotch.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! MOTHER F-!" he cried out clutching his baggage and keeling over onto the floor. I watched as the tears began to flow. I heard a gasp from that Patsy girl, most of the guys cringed with him, but they started laughing collecting their winnings from each other. The girls just laughed at Malfoy. I saw Ron sitting on the floor next to Harry proclaiming loud enough for everyone to hear "That was better that the ferret incident!" He kept laughing and choked for a second before laughing some more. I turned to Julianne who was laughing too, everyone hated Malfoy so seeing him reduced to sobbing was a precious sight. I turned back to Malfoy who had curled into a fetal position so tightly that his ape goons couldn't pry him out of it. I leaned in close to his ears and said "I'll see you bright and early on Saturday morning Malfoy, don't forget it. I suggest you get some ice from Madame Pomfrey" I hooked arms with Julianne and we walked away to the Common Room to grab out books before class.

"So, what are you going to make him wear?" She asked.

"I've got the perfect thing. You remember that Hot Pink mini dress my cousin sent my last Christmas? The one that Neil tried to take advantage of me in? He's going to wear that, with some fishnet stockings, a huge bra that's stuffed to give him some form … oh, and those four inch heel boots that came with my one costume last year. Plus I'm going to do his make-up and give him a wig to wear all day. He's going to look like a really cheap hooker all day. I just wish cameras worked here, my brothers would LOVE to see this and I can't send the moving pictures home." Julianne burst out laughing and I soon joined her. This was going to be a fun Saturday. I wonder if I could convince that annoying Colin kid to follow Malfoy with his camera, at least I could keep the photos and share them.


End file.
